Journal Entry:  December 19, 2012

Oops, almost let the Tablet's snooze button get to me. I remembered waking up in the middle of the night but not sure what time it was, how long or even why I woke up - who couldn't remember the kitty coming in for some loving?  It may be the reason why I was so tired this morning.  As you know, my tablet is just a light touch and it snoozes.  So in my half awake, half-sleep state I kept touch the tablet> from 6am to 7:43am.  I immediately petted my kitty, then went to wake up the kids. 

James:  Mom, you woke up up late. What are we suppose to do?

It was so cute the way he said it.  Reminded me when he was little and loving. I scratched his back and he woke up happy, and stayed in a good mood.  That made me feel wonderful.  I was so happy, I brought the kids to The Steepery for tea and breakfast food.

I am so glad I was in a good mood because our ramp was full!  I had to call my manager and get instructions for the Calhoun Ramp.  Our company has contracted the upper two levels of the ramp for overflow parking and shuttles to/from the ramp.  I am no longer scaredof not finding a parking spot:

I have conquered the ramp.

My mood is still a perky,  Maybe a little too much for everyone around me.  I had to apologize for my exuberance as others are in deep thought. Not! However, there are a few around me that like quietness.  Good luck today with that one.  At least they are forewarned of what to expect the remainder of the day. 

One of my Facebook Friends shared this article.  After reading it I had to share not only the article, but a personal experience.

http://gawker.com/5968818/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother

I have had two instances with my son going into a rage.  Once in 2010 when he shoved be so hard I hid the bathroom doorknob on my fall down; breaking the doorknob.  Then he put his knees in my shoulder trying to prevent me to get up.  I was stronger than my son at that time, so it neve went any further.  His second blowup he wasn't trying to hurt anyone, but was in such a rage he punched a mirror and a hole in the wall.  Mr. Man had to restrain him so he wouldn't hurt himself any further while I called the police.  He was taken to the Behavioral Health Emergency Room at Children's Hospital.  They did not have a bed for him either.  He also calmed down in the emergency room and we went home together. 

He had went to a psychotherapist and was given techniques to help him before going into a blind rage.  Whenever he gets mad, he punches an object (school locker, wall, etc.) but doesn't lash out to others and loves animals.  We recently had him examined for ADHD.  The results did confirm ADHD along with Oppositional Defiant Disorder.  He is currently on a time release Adderall and has been a sweet, focused kid ever since.  Although he still has mood swings; I am sure it is hormonal since it reminds me of PMS.

My oldest son was the same way; however, he has schizophrenia.  For many years he self-medicated, but is now in a controlled environment where he gets the medical care and prescription drugs that he needs.  The last time he was in a controlled setting, he was released without the medications he was taking.  Within three days he was a totally different person: dangerous to be around others.  He was agressive and said some not so nice things.  Then, he started self-medicating again and was close to his sweet, loving self.  I am hoping that while in his new controlled setting, he will continue to get the medical care that he needs and will stick to them.

I know that when I was in for the evaluation last week they asked about history of mental health issues.  As far as I know, none of my direct line was ever diagnosed with these issues.  Or, if they were they never shared that information.  As I mentioned, my second cousin on my maternal grandmother's side takes the same medication as I do.

After dealing with this issue for two years, I am just now realizing the extent of this "psychosis" &"disorder" and am just realizing for myself how serious it really can be.  I have a co-worker that will admit that she is realy not knowledgeable about mental health issues even with having a schizophrenic in-law.  Unless you experience it, you will never truly understand it.  I am thankful that I am not a severe case; what I deal with daily is more than enough.

In my previous posts I had mentioned someone close to us attempted suicide.  They are still in the behavorial health ward; I do not know how they are doing either.  I have had several "hallucinations" which I feel are brought on by the stress of worrying about their state of well-being.  I have contacted the family on a few occasion with no response.  The last communication was directed to my son from their mother, more or less stating that this person only made the attempt to see who would care.  I won't go into further details as it is not my story to share. 

The reason I mention this situation at all is because it is really taking a toll on me; very emotional and trying to hide it.  Their mother is sheltering this young adult from everyone but the immediate family.  If the reason for the attempt was to see who would care, then this person should know that there are many of us out here that do care and are here for them.  Furthermore, sheltering them to the point that don't have to deal with life is hindering them.  This person needs the proper treatment and medical care in order to deal with the realities of life so they can work through them instead of throwing their life away.    Persons with mental health issues need the right tools to deal with daily experiences and triggers, not to run from them or take their life to avoid them.

In my experience the very thing you try to keep people from, they gravitate too out of a sense of independence.  In the end they usually resent the person that attempted to steer them through life. 

My advice:  give people the correct tools to make better choices, not try to make the choices for them.

When they come home from the hospital, I know that they will contact me.  They know I have called to inquire about them, but have been denied updates and access to them.  I will respect their parents wishes to appear to be they only people needed in life.  FYI: I didn't do anything negative to this person, it is just the family's wishes that she is surrounded by immediate family.

Joel Osteen Ministries

Keep your joy. God is still on the throne. He’s got something amazing in your future.

Time for my iPod so I can focus on work.  This situation is nerve-racking and stressful.  Taking Joel Osteen's advice, keeping my joy today. I am so thankful for my iPod because I sure would have pulled my hair out at work.  What do you to manage stress at work? I made it through my day by telling myself:  tomorrow is Thursday and the week is almost over, grab Chipotle on way home to put a smile on your face, jump into your sweats, park yourself in from of the television and either grab a good book or watch a movie while cuddled up with your kitty.  If you are lucky, your son will actually want to cuddle up too. Now if only the "voice" would quit calling my name.  What is up with my left ear?  Why is it only heard from the left side.  It wasn't directly in my ear, sounded like 3 or 4 feet away and whispering my name.  Weird stuff only seems to happen when I am stressed> frustrating!