The Bully Pulpit

As it has changed nearly everything in our world, technology has also changed today's typical bully.

Once the biggest kid on the playground who would use size to intimidate the smaller or younger kids, now bullies tend to be more frequently found at the "top of the pack." They are the popular kids—standouts in sports, academics and other activities—but have turned to texting or Facebook to deliver negative messages about classmates.

In a presentation sponsored by the Faith Based Health and Wellness Network in Woodbury and held at , Jennifer Rockhill, the community justice program coordinator for the Youth Service Bureau, addressed the prevalence of bullying among today's young people and the often devastating consequences it can cause to victims.

"Bullying has gotten crueler," said Rockhill. "It's also harder for kids to escape. Physical bullying is bad enough, but once you get home, you are safe. Cyber bullying is pervasive."

While younger kids are more inclined toward physical bullying, the older kids are more likely to resort to bullying via cell phones, computers, even online gaming.  Bullying typically peaks during the middle school years but is definitely present in high school, Rockhill said.

"We are also seeing more 'relational aggression,' which is when bullying happens among kids who are actually friends with one another. It is huge with girls, but is also increasing in boys," she said, adding that relational aggression involves ostracizing or isolating someone who is part of a friendship group.

One of the most critical roles in a bullying environment is played by bystanders—kids Rockhill referred to as being "unbelievably powerful" when it comes to changing the climate of bullying in a school.

"The bystander is someone less invested in the conflict, but who can identify trouble. We encourage the bystanders to talk to a teacher or another trusted adult which can keep the victim from being in a position of 'tattling'," she said.

According to Rockhill, the predominant effects of bullying are depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder, which could be a reaction to one particularly intense incident or several ongoing episodes.

"With depression, parents might notice a lot more anger as a result of the bullying. They will be able to tell that this behavior is different from the hormonal stuff they might also be seeing," she said. "Other signs of depression include a change in grades, withdrawal from friends and activities, sadness and an over-reaction to criticism. If they are being criticized by peers, they are very sensitive to what a parent might say."

Most kids just want to know a parent is there for them, Rockhill said.

"They really are listening to you even if it seems like they aren't, so keep talking," she said. "Providing a safe, judgeless environment will go a long way toward getting your child to open up about the struggles they might be having."

During the second part of the presentation, three Hill-Murray students—recent graduates Ali McKeever and Saydie Long and junior Kyle Schwartz—offered a teenage perspective on bullying. The three are members of the Woodbury-based .

On the subject of "passive bullying" and the role of the bystander, Long said, "It's not what you do, it's what you don't do."

Added Schwartz: "When you see someone being bullied, make sure to go up to them later and tell them you support them. That message can be incredibly powerful."

When it comes to involving an adult in a bullying situation, McKeever said it is valuable to find an adult who can be alerted to the bullying, but is also going to be able to spend some time observing the situation before taking action.

If they spot someone bullying on Facebook, rather than getting involved in the conversation—"which can add fuel to the fire," said McKeever—they believe it is much more effective to have private conversations with the victim or the bully offline.

Another online "red flag" mentioned by Rockhill is called "Formspring," a question and answer site that gives participants the opportunity to converse totally anonymously (unlike Facebook).

"You can follow someone on Formspring without the person knowing it and the topics can include sex, lying, cheating, drugs," said Rockhill. "As professionals, we think Formspring is scary and parents should, too."

Even with the omnipresence of Facebook and other social media sites in their lives (none participate in Formspring), all three teens said in-person communication is much better.

"I don't talk to a lot of people on Facebook that I wouldn't pick up the phone and call," said McKeever.

Schwartz agreed. "Facebook is good for fickle communication. Real life communication is best."