Letter to an Unhappy American Woman

Dear lady,

I hear you. Last few weeks you have been talking to me every chance you get. You are overworked even though you are not intellectually challenged; you are stressed out; not sleeping well; and, well... you are simply not happy.

You have everything you ever wanted: degree to be proud of, enough money to buy all the gadgets and latest fashion, exotic travels and a nice place to live. You might have gotten yourself a nice partner or a husband too (maybe even a few kids), but even that is just part of the picture of what you should have done. You are planning a fabulous vacation to Tahiti in January and you are excited… excited to run away. In the meantime, you drink almost every night — just a glass of wine to help you relax, but you notice that it is becoming a bottle. Anything to numb the pain.

You are not happy. Or content. Or fulfilled. You tell me that you see some women who seem to be balanced and have it all together and you don’t understand – you are just as sweet, smart and capable.

I ask you if you are authentically YOU and it takes you a while to get what I mean. The answer is NO. You tell me you are trying desperately to do certain things because that is what everyone else is doing and well, economy is so bad — I better just ‘chameleon-myself’ and make sure I stay put. Your parents don’t understand —they gave you everything (I mean everything) and they don’t understand why you can’t be happy. Or content. Or fulfilled.

Dear lady, I hear you. And I am here to tell you that I know exactly how you feel since it seemed to be the path all women in their 30s with an advanced degree have to take. And so I did. I even slept with Blackberry under my pillow so that I wouldn’t miss any important messages in the middle of the night. I wasn’t happy either. Or content. Or fulfilled. I didn’t even remember what that felt like. Even a big closed deal was just a temporary high followed by a huge crash into numbness and emptiness.

Dear lady, I am also here to tell you that there is a different way. You are born for greatness and you are meant to be happy. This universe is constantly wanting to express itself with beauty, happiness and joy and it is looking to you as a vessel….only, you are too busy to hear the call. By the time you get home, you are so mentally exhausted that wine is the only receptor.

You are creative, resourceful and whole.  You are beautiful and kind and generous and capable. I know that when you are alone, you know that you are meant for something else. You just know there has to be a different way. At the core, you are an incredible woman and talking to you gives me hope  — at least you are not faking the happiness in the all-consuming work.

You are so smart and I keep thinking of all the amazing things you could do if you did what was authentically you. If every Monday you got up and were excited to go to work – this world would benefit from all your gifts. If you took the time to be still, you could ‘hear’ the creative spark calling your name to go after that thing that makes you so excited and happy. And THAT thing would also benefit the world in an amazing way. Society tells you to lower your expectations and be happy with what is – but you know better. Don’t you ever doubt that you are born for greatness.

Dear lady, you are not alone. I am here with you and I hear you. I know that your situation will not change over night, but you have to start asking yourself questions. You have to start now. If not, your body will only handle stress for a certain amount of time. Maybe you are already starting to feel the impact.

Start by acknowledging what is and then – start asking questions. Start reading and talking to people. Start daydreaming about the things that bring you joy. Start writing. Think about those times when you were so happy. Look to who you are authentically and what your values are. Then, just take baby steps and see how that feels. You have to do something. We are all counting on your leadership, expertise, smarts and beauty to make this world a better place.

I am waiting for you. And when you get there, I will look at you and smile – without saying a word. We will have traveled far together and we will have both realized how there is a way. A way for anything we dream of. And then we stand tall to support others with Blackberry under their pillow. And we love them knowing they are hurting.

I am here. Standing tall. Loving you. JB