Staring Off Into Space

During my son’s 18-month health check-up, I was asked to complete a developmental milestone screening.

This questionnaire is designed to gauge a child's language, physical, and emotional ability. I do believe that early detection is critical and necessary in order to help children who may be struggling with a disabling challenge.

However, I do question whether our society has become too generous in gifting children with differing abilities and traits with a label of “abnormal”? In the search for the normative, do we overlook an opportunity to celebrate creative, intelligent, independent-thinking children?

Consider what is being asked in the questionnaire:

Developmental milestone screening official: “Does your child point when he/she wants to communicate something?”

Concerned mom: “Yes.” It's truly amazing how much can be communicated through use of the index finger.

Official: “Does your child like to be hugged, kissed, bounced?”

Concerned mom: “Yes, yes, yes.” Matter of fact, he's stuck to me and thinks he has a “ride all day pass” which gives him unlimited access to the mom slide, mom pony ride, and mom swings.

Official: “Does he stare off into space with no purpose?”

Concerned mom: “Yes.” Pause. Wait they want me to say, "No." How should I proceed, I ponder.

I left the answer to the last question a “Yes,” because my children (18-month and 4-year-old boys) do stare off into space without purpose. They do this because it’s what they have learned from their parents; I am not concerned that this could indicate a problematic learning or behavioral trait.

Rather, I celebrate the fact that my husband and I have made a cognizant decision to teach our children how to sit and stare off into the vast nothingness which is actually teaching them how to access the portal into their great minds and souls.

'Tis a fast-paced, perpetually plugged-in society in which we belong.

Have we forgotten how to disengage from the material world and engage the the beautiful spiritual and cerebral world within ourselves? Do we value “stillness?”

I’m not suggesting the skill of teaching your children to sit still and behave while in class or at a religious ceremony. I’m asking if we parents consider the importance of teaching our children to sit and be still absent a play-time, learning-time, entertainment-time agenda.

I wonder what I'm up against as my eldest begins his elementary school career. Will he be labeled as “troubled” or “abnormal” because we have taught him how to quiet the external chatter and value stillness?

During his most recent progress review, my son’s pre-school teacher stated, “He sometimes gets lost in his thoughts and you will need to teach him to focus.”

To which I replied, “Is he falling behind on his learning?”

The teacher reassured me that he is above expectations on all of the educational and developmental measures for his age group. He’s not falling behind on the lessons being taught, nor is he disrupting class, but his “deep thought” moments are a teacher's concern—I find this trend of repressing individual introspection to be of great societal concern.

During my foray into online and neighborhood parent discussions, I have witnessed young children spending a large amount of time in school, music, sports, language, and arts classes. All of this mini-van boogie is done in the name of creating smarter, more sophisticated children. It's no wonder that some children struggle with adaptability and are pained by multiple noise and light changes they are confronted with while being shuffled to-and-fro as part of the fast-paced soccer field, play-group and music class circuit.

Are we trying too hard to create perfect beings—so much so that we have forgotten the fragility of children’s brains which need time to be still, to absorb and develop?

Having the courage to withdraw from the race and the confidence that the creation of more quiet at-home opportunities is really what the children need is tough, but worthy of consideration. Do we want our children to become diligent students, or do we want our children to harness critical thinking skills and then go on to become the world's future visionaries, leaders, innovators, and artists?