Armageddon Avoided

In the 1998 movie Armageddon, as an asteroid is set to collide with earth; the president of the U.S. solemnly proclaims, “Through all of the chaos that is our history; through all of the wrongs and the discord; through all of the pain and suffering; through all of our times, there is one thing that has nourished our souls, and elevated our species above its origins — and that is our courage.”

And in a similar vein; one wonders if Martha Radditz had mentioned to VP Biden last Thursday that an asteroid was set to collide with earth, if Uncle Joe wouldn’t have instead guffawed,  “AH, HA,HA,HA,HA; what a bunch of malarkey!”

So says Uncle Joe. “AH, HA,HA,HA,HA.”  And that’s what I woke up to. Gut-busting laughter the morning after the Biden-Ryan debate.  My husband thought it would be funny to do the Biden laughter instead of the usual 4:30am morning wake up call. I smelled his breath for alcohol, but the “AH, HA,HA,HA,HA”  WAS equally alarming.

Our nation loves a breakaway maverick like VP Joe Biden who has had more than a few fatal explosions and personal tragedies; still… it did not end his career or diminish his heart. He is an American success story out of good ol’ Scranton PA. Some insiders propose that Michael Scott from The Office, was modeled after a younger Joe. Both ordinary guys from Scranton that cannot always convince their peers that they are, indeed, the smartest guy in the room. Even so, Joe always finds room for a laugh in his musical heart.  Charm and luck of the Irish!?!

It’s just a ‘Bunch of Stuff’ and ‘Malarkey’.  This is my language.  Very difficult for me to dislike Joe Biden. Not only does he use the old English & spout out a few Gaelic words; he is just THE spittin’ image of my God-father in Ireland. He even reminds me of some of the old timers from my village that will, as well, interrupt and talk over you after a few pints [but shake yer hand and give you a warm slap on the back as you brace the cold, wet walk home from the pub].

I revere rowdy bunches of harmless rebels who mix it up in politics, mix it up in the schools, in work.  Ya have to have people like this… Jesus really bothered the Pharisees to no end.  They kept challenging Him and He kept rejecting their notions, their authority. They thought they had the last word, but his word carried on; showing that the last word isn’t always the one pregnant with meaning for a budding generation.

People like VP Joe Biden are 12th century loose, ball and shot cannons. Little to no rifling or knowledge of trigonometry, but lethal at close range.  Blessed with the peculiar combination of prattling off deadly histrionics, beltin’ out slang from an inconclusive knowledge of minority idioms. AND having the ability to look into the camera and make you feel like you are the only one in the room.  Making you feel that you are the one and only one he cares about right now. That the two of you are brothers in arms; two widowers working down in the coal mine, and just trying to feed your 6 malnourished children and protect them from the free market eeeevils of Darth Sidious and his entrepreneurial Sith Lords.  

President Obama may have debated first, but Uncle Joe reckoned it was up to him to do what shoulda been done last week. That HE, like Dick Cheney is the real puppet master of this operation [in HIS mind’s eye].  With that attitude I’m certain he set out to avoid any such confusion arising in the future, by explaining in his self-styled Dean Martin roast venue, the light-hearted reality of a vast number of topics from Bengazi to Iran’s pledge to wipe Israel off the map. 

Joe belted out so much, with such confidence; I thought from time to time, he was surely scuttered (on the sauce). And the Irish don't necessarily look down on this.  Harry S. Truman liked a glass of bourbon in the mornings, believing it was good for circulation. Even ol’ Frank Sinatra said, "Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy." The trouble with us Irish is this: the more we drink, the more apt we are to fight — maybe even sucker punch that gamey one from Tipperary that thinks she’s so smart! And ol’ Joe is some fighter.

I’m sure he was told to go Bulldog on the young whipper-snapper and make up lost ground all the while showing off that 'gift of the gab'. Take that young whelp out to the forensic woodshed.  But this was no Socratic woodshed. Maybe Foster Brook’s woodshed?

Vice-President Biden has had a long career and I believe he can masterfully bring much to the table nationally and internationally.  He, like President Clinton, radiates confidence and energy. Perhaps Mr. Biden has a little more used-car-sales charisma while President Bill Clinton would be the polished manager that returns to let you know after 2 hours of haggling, “we’re going to drop the price by $200, just for you.” They both have such grand gestures and a jaunty, fearless grin.  Biden appeared with such gusto at this debate though; that some assumed he may have been forcing his sense of the jocund (others believed he had been coached by Cesar Romero).     

But this I do know. On that night, Mr. Biden was no model of measured temerity; modeling the elder statesman. Maybe few politicians are. There was nothing to invite the high-school forensics team to emulate here. 

Joe’s no-holds-barred, laughter-filled moments followed with the cringing, ornery glances at his opponent just made me wonder if this was some master plan OR the true Joe. I’d say “Ah Joe, stop it, you are going too far — nothing is THAT funny when discussing policy”.   

I wanted him to do better in the avenue of self-discipline, with a willingness to accept there will be other perspectives and viewpoints — without the condescension. And rebuttal with facts and data. It could have worked for him, if not for all the apparent nitrous oxide. I guess Ryan went through 20 glasses of water to handle the anxiety; and Joe went to the dentist. 

Politics, like American football, is nasty business, with rules. Now, after last week’s performance, I hear President Obama saying that he himself was ‘too polite’ in his debate.

If the Vikings were to lose after a lackluster performance, I don’t suppose Coach Frasier will opine, “perhaps we were just too genteel and polite out there on the pitch, today, old boy.”  There are rules to be sure; and just as football players cannot lead with their helmet, debaters should not talk over and interrupt. In their Thursday night matchup; Joe Biden was flagged for 82 interruptions while the time of possession would have been in the VP’s favor: 41 min. to 40 min.

Behind the smiles I believe Joe Biden wanted to convince a dubious nation into believing that he has old-school experience — and we can rely upon him.  I did admire the way he described his trustworthy and dependable relationships with  overseas buddies. Like ‘BiBi’ (I ‘think’ this is Joe’s pet name for boon-companion, Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel) and how foreign policy in the Middle East is in proper order and can be little improved.

According to VP Biden last Thursday, he “has been buddies with ‘Bibi’ for 39 years now.” Well… I’m a bit younger than the VP, but I guess that means that Bibi AND Joe were BOTH members of an elite Israeli special forces unit since “Bibi” was fighting in the Yom Kippur War back in 1973.  

And, as a career politician, VP Biden has seen more than most of us which can bring a serene effervescence to the political scene. According to Joltin’ Joe Biden, after Sept. 11th, “The Taliban, per se, is not our enemy.” Good to know that we still have friends after 2,753 are killed. But I do like a light-hearted soul that doesn’t play Chicken Little at every news break. Yet; what IF the sky IS falling?

Politics and religion are such hot button topics because they involve hope, justice and salvation. But the trick is that salvation here or beyond, seemingly doesn’t come without an endless searching, trial and error, pain and suffering. And the human condition doesn’t seem to be one that is content with adolescent utopic ideals in which we believe that if we only had A, B, C and D; that we would all then be happy, content and satisfied.

Our founders only guaranteed the right to PURSUE happiness [and unless we hope to live in a static universe; the pursuit will never be some simple, linear venture]. We don’t know it all but only see through a mirror dimly. And yet, what we see dimly all too often seems just enough to estimate what SHOULD be seen if only the mist cleared.

We then allow ourselves to fall into the impossible trap of defending assumed dimly-realized positions. And thus, on the grand stages of debates, social media or at the water cooler; very dim lights become beacons of certainty and then once pride is also attached, we become downright nova-esque in our certainty. And once we are challenged we: insult, laugh smugly, roll eyes, smirk, counter with OUR set of data and spin — lest we admit that perhaps there are no simple solutions and life IS hard… and none of us know completely how to balance a $17 trillion deficit painlessly [or how to propose it in a way that will, instead, WIN votes].

I heard one side saying that it would be done by cutting off loop-holes for the “rich” while the other side saying it would be done by taxing the “rich” more. And yet, the truth is that neither side will admit that in order to balance this budget; all of US will lose some of our entitlements, freebees, pensions, benefits and government employment.

But humility and honesty such as that is the stuff of sages and savants; not the stuff of malarkey.