CSI

I think I was part of a CSI Miami episode on Sunday. 

Minutes from our school is Playa Crash Boat. It is another popular surfers’ beach and is used by local fishermen. In January, they fish for Blue Runners, Red Hinds, Blackfin Tuna, Yellow Jack and Dolphinfish also known as Mahi Mahi or Dorado (not to be confused with the mammalian Dolphin).

Crash Boat Beach is named for the rescue boats that once set out to save US Ramey Air Force Base pilots who came down at sea. The airbase closed back in 1973.

Crash Boat Beach provides a Baby-blue colored Ocean, a durante of colored boats docked up on the beach representing the boats that once were set at the ready; a dock full of colorful fish, colorful natives and colorful music and entertainment. A group of colorful toucans are known as a durante so I’ve been told.

I’ve been on this beach quiet days, I’ve been there with the Scuba Dogs Organization to clean it up…but this past Sunday it was invaded with natives (remember Sundays are “Family Day” here, so you‘ll find the whole crew out knockin‘ a few back). They say that an alcoholic can be deceptive in their ways to continue drinking. Puerto Ricans are deceptively adept at finding new ways to celebrate.

This Sunday the noisy tattooed tribal music from CSI Miami was out in Horacio Caine style.

Coroner: “this poor girl just came down here to catch some sun.”

Horatio: “looks like something else (putting on sunglasses) got ahold of her.” 

It was good, the air blasted big, with bold sounds. It was full of bluster and murder was in the air (at least they were murdering the beer).

Not good if your head is pounding with a headache as the caverns of your sinuses amplify the sound that came from the ocean. Er; wait, no, the music came from naught the waves but from a boat that paced to and fro like the polar bear at Como. Assuming that all those on the beach were just so shucky darn grateful that he supplied his special brand of 180 dB merengue cha cha cha.

Even when Puerto Ricans are talking with you, they keep right on the beat of music. When it begins they just got to get outta  their seat… they cannot be stopped,  wigglin’ their hips and tappin’ their feet, and before you know it, the arms come up and you’ll experience all sorts of hand gestures. Their bodies of various sizes are all movement and sway.

The beach reminded me of CSI Miami—the beautiful beach, blue sky, coconut palms, water toys and games in full swing—swanky bikinis and glamour collagen lips all agape with the wonder of another Sunday of drinking. 

The majority of all outdoor scenes, I heard, for CSI Miami’s show, are filmed in Long Beach, California, as well as portions at Manhattan Beach and Redondo Beach, California. Beach areas of Downtown Long Beach are often used for other outdoor scenes.  

The newly constructed high-rise condos there give the pretense of being in Miami. Now that’s almost as phony as all of the 95 lb detectives in these murder mysteries. Most any detective I’ve ever met looks and acts much more like the Frank character that Horatio talks to like a U of M fratboy would talk to a hillbilly from Alabama.

Very few location shots are filmed in Miami-Dade County, Florida.

Since my brain was cancered with the music from CSI, I got to thinking of the type of business the CSI folk are in and compare this to real life sciences. 

Of course the show is highly entertaining. However, I never can get past the very young scientist lads with gelled hair and the beautiful girls wearing long hair in their faces and running in high heels. 

Going through a stomach in an investigation is rather a messy job, I should think.  Imagine a big, sloshing, gurgling, glugging vat of enzymes, bacteria, and food-dissolving acid—all with a Cover Girl makeover drippin’ off your gob. 

And, after the victim’s food & liquid remnants are extricated; I’m predicting the stainless steel bowl contents look like thick lentil barfaroni soup. I think I‘d want my hair tied back. And truly; I‘d never forgive myself if I didn‘t catch a bad guy simply because I didn‘t wear running shoes that day but stuck with the stilettos.

Ach, what a relief though—they just get it done! I’ve got to give them some respect. Perhaps I’m jealous because they are silky smooth and super-sophisticated & still able to sift through it all & catch the bad guy.

Lemme see… how would Horatio tie this all up.

Coroner: “Looks like these poor folks just wanted somewhere near the ocean to sit down and eat their lunch.” 

Horatio:  “Yeah, but instead  (putting on sunglasses) they ended up eatin’ lead.”