Don't Mess With Texas!

It’s a wild, wild world out there, filled with interesting people who aren’t afraid to look at the big picture.

Traveling from Puerto Rico to Minnesota was so eventful for me. On my trip to Minnesota recently, my first flight encounter announced, “This is going to be a very lively century for me."

Well howdy doody! Didn’t I meet a quick slick oilman—a big buck Texas Sugar Daddy, or, so I thought.

I was sure with the big voice flying in the vicinity with him; we could be seen and heard from space.

My new Texas flight pal reminded me of Lyndon B. Johnson, another Texan, teacher, senator, VP, and then president whose terms were dominated by the Vietnam War and today‘s welfare state.

Lyndon Johnson lived large. He belched loudly whenever he felt like it, helped himself from other people’s plates at banquets, and at dances kissed so many women hello he got lipstick all over the face. Johnson enjoyed scaring guests at his Texas ranch with 90 mile-an-hour rides in his Lincoln Continental. 

My favorite part of Johnson was when he visited the pope in Rome, the pope gave him a precious fourteenth-century painting; he gave the pope a picture of Lyndon Johnson!!!

Johnson was large, he concealed his stomach with a girdle, (& often lifted his shirt to display a scar—adding to the crudeness) ate chipped beef and fresh bread. The President liked to talk so much he had phones everywhere.

In the middle of a meeting, he declared a swimming break and everyone had to adjourn to the pool, where Johnson swam nude (it saved time) & expected everyone else to do the same.

So, I expected my companion to be exactly like Lyndon Johnson.  I learned a lot about fuel, gambling, big hair, big houses, big lots and big fun.

Regarding the oil he was correct when he said, “humans worship the oil and started wars over the means to production."  And, we live fast, guzzling fuel at a tremendous rate.  

This is what he meant by saying it was going to be a very lively century for me!!!

No low down, cheating’ gunslinger either, was my new Texas pal.  He bursted with natural warmth and a glowing complexion, he brought smiles to people’s faces with his loud honest comments.

He reminded me of a Vitamin D—giving rays. 

While I made my assumptions about Mr. Texas, he also made some about me.  He asked, what are Fairies?

When the Celts became Christians, some legends say that their old gods and goddesses, called Tuatha De Danann (TOO-ha JAY DAN-uhn), changed themselves into fairies and went into hiding. Others claim that fairies were fallen angels who came to live on earth. They are said to live wherever they landed, in the water or on the land. 

Fairies do not trust humans and usually remain invisible. At times, however, people & fairies do come into contact. 

When this happens, the wee folk might be kind, or they might decide to make a whole lot of trouble—like playing tricks, tripping humans or making them sneeze (those of you with allergies have upset the fairies & you just spent a fortune trying to figure this out).  The Fairies are best at changing things and talking in circles to confuse people.

Mr. Texas interrupted me and accused me of being a cheeky little squirt.  I told him he was a big ole Leprechaun for sure.  They are the riches of all the wee folk - that he buried all of the fairy gold for safe-keeping when the Vikings invaded Ireland. 
The Leprechaun is sneaky.  If you manage to catch one, he will promise to give you his money if you set him free.

Leprechaun carries two leather pouches around with him.  One has a silver coin in it; the other has a gold coin.  If a person tries to collect the money, the silver coin always returns to the purse; the gold coin turns into ashes.  And, in the blink of an eye, the leprechaun vanishes.

It wasn’t a funny story but my new friend howled laughing.  I liked his real ranch-style personality too; it was like stepping on to the set of a John Ford western. 

I left wondering if he was heading home to a mesquite-grilled baby pig pared with puree of seeded home-grown carrots or other fresh garden vegetables from Texas, margaritas, and the Mariachi band.

A long time ago, I saw bumper stickers that said, “Don’t Mess With Texas.” I felt like saying, “I’ll flippin’ mess with Texas all day long if I feel vexed enough!!” 

It was only later that someone explained it was an anti highway pollution gimmick. But even so, there is something both down home endearing and red neck annoying about Texas.