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Health & Fitness

Epitaph

"It has been scientifically proven that people who don't drink and don't smoke live longer- and it serves them right!" Moss Keane, Irish International Rugby Player

                          I am ready to meet my Maker.
     Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me                          is another matter.
                         Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
                                         R.I.P

              MURDERED BY A TRAITOR AND A COWARD WHOSE
                     NAME IS NOT WORTHY TO APPEAR HERE
                                     Jesse James
                                            R.I.P

As you can see I’ve been looking for ideas on an epitaph. Why?! Because by heck; I don’t think I’m going to make it back to MN alive! 

I haven’t come up with my own epitaph as yet.  If I can’t get it completed by the next post, know that I loved you all.   I wish I could have done more.  Really! 

I truly must hand it to the Puerto Ricans for so many things.  They are sparky and vibrant when there is music in the background.  I see beauty everywhere.  The one constant is the culture of its inhabitants: the love of music — a jamming‘, jinglin’ crew that surely love their Salsa Soul music. 

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Even the children love good traditional salsa & dancing…not the base, prehistoric thumping that often approaches our cars with cracked and shattered subwoofers, in the states; from which our youth find this somehow innovative, virgin and new.  The Puerto Rican love of family is another; as they are enjoying life and take pride in being Puerto Rican and Catholic (a few in name only, but even the name creates a hint of moral anchor for the island).

I just have one bee in my bonnet with them…I simply MUST bring it up.  I’m talking about their inability to drive safely!  The rules of the road are as listless as the work ethic (the people and police accept one and all — drive on the wrong side, create your own lane, go 15 in a 50 OR go 80 in a 30 — laissez-faire and the invisible hand of social Darwinism are all that is apparently needed here). 

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This is a real puzzler because the country at the same time is also in no desperate rush about much else. They can often be in such a hurry on the roads but once they get to customer service, “slow it down comrade, no need to hurry; we get paid the same whether we work hard or work soft.”

The intoxicating company of alcohol and natives is an important appeal everywhere. I do not condone drinking and driving, and I’m not blaming the laid-back characters who are drinking and driving entirely.

Drinking and driving is acceptable here. I’ve been monitoring things - although drinking and driving IS dangerous, the problem lies not entirely with the drinkers; it’s the native sight-seers, the girls braiding their hair while driving and the folks texting. It is clearly more of a “willy-nilly” approach to driving. Creating the perfect pudding — a true recipe for disaster: 1 part alcohol, 3 parts emphasis on personal vanity, 5 parts ocean view and women in bikinis. Gently massage all three with a lax police force until mixture feels ripe.

Many roads are picturesque, alongside the ocean — they are winding and one needs to be diligent. I follow willy-nilly gawkers around hairpin turns and often find them on the opposite side of the road offering up great potential energy (and havoc). But, to be fair, some of the truck drivers will lay on the horn before their approach. Very different than the stoic Scandanavian approach. Reckless and loud vs. careful and quiet.

It brings home memories of my village in Ireland.  As children, we were sorry if one of my neighbors wasn’t drinking (he had a great lip for the stout) because the old timer’s reckoned he did drive better with the porter in him vs. confronting the wheel with the shakes.

Bringing Road Rage to this country might help: I’ve been scolded when I began to blow the horn at some folks in PR - as I’m told folks will be very offended with this type of behavior. It is not uncommon for a couple of lads (one pedestrian, the other in his car) to hold up traffic so that they can do the multi-step handshake, embrace / kiss outside of the car and share how the family is doing. If you DO honk, they look at YOU as if you are the odd ball.  It is RUDE to interrupt their hamlet bonding ceremony — these things just MUST be done — I mean REALLY who am I to trespass where divils dare tread?

The police have struck up conversations this way too.  If the sirens and flashers of a police car are following me, I’ve no worries, I have not seen them pull over anyone as yet, except for a chat or to help change a tire. Many civilians have their own police siren installed on their car, so the sound of sirens become passe. One day one squad car drove past so quickly, I simply assumed he was heading to lunch.  I’ve considered not using my indicator when I need to merge into another lane or take a turn, as nobody else does (a few will use hand gestures) and some consider the red light a suggestion. 

And what is really odd is that many of the cop cars are missing a bulb in THEIR tail lights even though the cars are quite new; so I suppose they’d feel a bit hypocritical laying down the hammer on others. The police on motorbikes will even wind in between cars utilizing the lane median as a way to become first in line at traffic lights. The “do as I say, not as I do” parental style may work after all.  

I’m not here expecting an aggressive encounter nor am I gunning to change these friendly folks.  We are adventurers at heart, and want to explore every inch of the island.

Traffic can be daunting though; and the attitude while in line at Walmart is the same as the attitude at the autopista toll booth or at the traffic jam.  In PR, there is this acceptance that there truly must not be ANY way to change the system or speed it up… or indeed any desire to?!? 

At every red light, men and woman sell water, cookies, bananas, collect money for charity, panhandle coins for the rent (drugs and booze).  Trying to decipher what is a genuine cause to help at the stop light is an excuse to run a red light, so maybe I was a bit hasty. 

White knuckle driving really begins in the coffee mountains.  I’m used to this, but do not like it.  They can be as small as Irish country roads. Guardrails would be a foreign word, the roads are often poorly maintained. We have encountered some roads that seemed to have rifts in them from some earthquake. This does not stop the locals from taking corners at high speed. 

Ach… maybe I’m crazy… We come to accept things as truisms in the States. Someone on the news said it was CRAZY to have a drink and drive, and so it seems. Someone on city council said that we cannot abide with traffic congestion and must purchase a light rail. Down here congestion is just a time to turn your music up and crack open a cold one. Down here, standing in line at the shop is just a time to reacquaint and catch up with your neighbor.

Perhaps, I mean just consider it… naw, can’t be… but, oh who knows… just maybe we ARE a bit uptight up in MN?   We would be just chemical heartbreakers to these poor souls, won’t mix up weird concoctions, and fizzing explosions with drinking and driving.  It’s enough to make a Puerto Rican cackle.  We have to make it work, sit back and let things go with a BANG!

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