Fisherman

In solitude the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon it.

—Laurence Sterne

I have the greatest respect for Fishermen and Fisherwomen. Every night I visit the Ocean and visit my Fishers. There could be up to six different fisherfolk dotting the Ocean coastline.  

We never have much to say.  It is not the place to talk.  A mere “Hola” is sufficed unless they call me over to see their fresh catch. Recently, the catch as been King Fish, Needlenose, Barracuda, Octopus and Lobsters.  They are alone with their fishing pole, bait, 5-gal buckets, their thoughts.  They know I will not bother them, but they do not mind me getting all excited with what was just reeled in.  Often this episode happens, but I know better than to sit and talk for a more than a few moments.

Little do they know how much I admire them.

I think there’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely.  Many of us have to be taught how to be alone. Our culture frowns upon being alone and so we may avoid it for the wrong reasons. I think we celebrate the extroverted people vs. the introverts.  

Is it a cultural thing?  I remember taking a look around at restaurants & museums, and when we took hikes while we lived in Germany and noticed how many folks of all ages, male and female, did those things alone — they seemed happy with their books, newspaper & alone time to ponder.  I think many people fear being alone in a restaurant or in a movie theater.

While I was at home at Christmas I dropped into and wondered if this was a place to sit alone, if you were single or just seeking quite time; and if you could have a pint or a cup of tea in peace & feel safe  I felt it was & I hope that it is.  It is more common and more acceptable to do this where I come from. When we are young, we have time to stare out at the ocean… and when we are much older. But now, we scarcely have time to stare at the mirror for more than a glance; to scarcely recognize.

My son, whom is a twin, physically moves himself away from his sister and little brother often; just to be alone.  He will take a break even when he is on a play-date with a friend.  He has learned the art of being alone. Teachers, adults, other children; wrongly assume he is “depressed.” But no, he just needs some time. At I’d find him taking 5 minutes away from people at recess.  He is very social, but there are times, (aren’t there?) when it can be exhausting to be around people all of the time. 

Many of us avoid solitude — either in public or in private — at all costs.  I enjoy walking and just looking at the fisherman because they are not worried about filling the quiet by having another human being just for the sake of it. 

Even though I am a chatterbox & very excitable, (Ok, maybe I'd talk the hind legs off a donkey — can you imagine, if a poor patient donkey's knees buckled? That's a cruel amount of talking). 

I love sharing an experience with others, especially with my close friends; I do realize that it is very desirable for me to spend time alone.  

It was strongly suggested in our family growing up,whether your were the daughter or the son to be very independent and to live alone — learn to live with yourself, have your own apartment, think for yourself, earn your own money, pay your own bills before you are even close to starting a relationship with anyone.

Like the fishermen, my husband too is one that needs to be able to read and have thinking time everyday.  I’ve realized that he needs to spend high-quality time alone than low-quality time with someone else. He is a true believer in spending wonderful time with a fulfilling relationship & feels it is more important to have a trusting and meaningful relationship vs. one of convenience or for vocational gain or social acceptance (sugar, and here I reckoned I was the “trophy wife”).

We have to find time to nurture our brain, feed it with meaningful things, recharge it and let it relax from the usual / the status quo / episodes of “Whitney."

My fisherfolk teach me, remind me, to conduct myself with reticence. Not everything in life has to be talked, tweeted, Facebooked, emailed, texted and trivialized just yet. Some time for reflection.  What a satisfying contributions they make, knowingly or unknowingly to my life by saying little to nothing. Self reliant and proud; they fear not the Barracuda and the silent deep he prowls.