Money: The Relationship Begins Early

Respect and lasting relationship with money. How? Ask a 10 year old.

My daughter does not admire those who are smitten and spellbound with shopping.

This little female’s DNA did not come bundled with a desire to shop but with a gene for saving money and a lack of interest in spending any of it. To be sure, a gene for saving everything and anything you haven’t nailed down and is free for the takin’.

Plastic is not entirely the problem; turns out most of us were born to shop.  Scientists have learned that when you anticipate buying something tantalizing, like a beautiful cardigan, a shiny new car -- your brain releases dopamine, a chemical that helps produce feelings of well-being.  A huge slice of chocolate cake will do this for me. My husband quotes some scientific study about how the female body, in appealing proportion, does the same to men.

Saving money doesn’t trigger the same rush, at least not for most of us, according to Jason Zweig, author of Your Money and Your Brain. Apparently, delaying gratification, nowadays, is for dopes, not dopamine.

Every trip to the supermarket or to the hardware shop, feels like a mugging in Puerto Rico. More than a quarter of your wages go to taxes, electricity is the highest than anywhere in the U.S. One lady describes it as a violation on her purse. 

So, it is helpful when you have your family not in the mood to be in a ‘buyer’s hysteria’ mode. When I see older folks leaving Sams’s with a 5 gal drum of Olive Oil, & 96 rolls of Bounty, I want to scream… don’t do it! Then there are the crafty veterans that go into the Coast Guard Post Exchange and buy 30 cases of beer tax free (and maybe for resale) — but the daughter would actually admire THAT!

My daughter has some good tips. She listens more than she speaks and she has been talking about her money ideas for some time.

* Sunday School in Woodbury: Over the years this ethics venture has cost us approx $60.00 to $120 per year for 3 children.  A bargain I would declare confidently.  Ni Ni, my daughter declares confidently, “mom, when I grow up & have my own children, I’ll  home-church ‘em myself”.  She felt this at 3 and 4 years old, feels the same way now at 10.  Save the money!   Most sincere apologies to all of her Sunday School Teachers. 

* Target or Walmart run:  “take me instead, I will not ask for anything - the boys will”.  This is true.

* Funeral/Burial Costs: In Puerto Rico when our poor 20 year old cat Hank, died.  Everyone was all quite shaken up with his passing. 
The three children wanted Hank buried in Woodbury, so we looked into costly cremation and the illegal nature of shipping a dead cat to MN. Ni Ni was the one who spoke up, “Doctor, we will buy a $10 shovel at Wal-Mart and bury Hank on the beach!”

* Hand-me-downs: No more clothes to be handed down to the relatives in Ireland, nor the needy anywhere. “I’ll be needing them for my own children”.  Note to self: save my scraps of material, she will be making all of her own clothes.

* Visiting the elderly: My daughter has also found out that our frequent visits to St. Anthony Park Home, in St. Paul is also fairly profitable…the elderly know about hard times, having lived through the war and depression.  They admire her strong hold on the buck and not talking over them (like her mother).  She is rewarded with the dividends from Saturday eve BINGO.

* Meaning of Life: Yearly, King of Kings Lutheran has a nice class on breaking down the Lord’s Prayer.  One question asked, Who loves you and how do you know?  Her angelic twin brother answered, ‘Mom loves me, because she kisses me a lot’.  Ni Ni’s answer, “my great aunt Elaine loves me because she gives me her BINGO money”. And, they say money cannot buy love!

* Home Security: She took martial arts for years so that she can defend her savings, not her family.

* The American Rugged Individualist: Ni Ni is not a joiner.  The mention of joining grade school collective / commune oriented conglomerate conjures up images of having to share her hard earned treasure trove with those that did not plan ahead.

* God and free market customer service: Once we told Niamh that if she had a nightmare, she should ask God for peace of mind in order to get back to sleep.  “Well, I DID call on God to help one night. After 5 minutes, nothing happened.  So, I’m not sure if I’m going to ask Him again.”

* Fundraising: Once she expressed interest in Girl Scouts until she found out the money they collected for cookies was for the pack and not her.  Two words: ‘forget it”.

* Investing: Years back; afraid of her own self-styled fears of a bank run, Dee Dee (as her father calls her) queried if there were other folks that could “hold” her money and give her a better return. Through ING Sharebuilders, Dada and Dee-Dee found a plan that allowed her to purchase partial shares $20 / month.  Now, she has a few shares in Century Link, Disney and Target -- checking and posting this each month.

Niamh is really unintentionally funny.  As she grows and matures I know some of the tide of her thinking will turn. 

I want her to continue to have a respect for money, appreciate the value of a buck; so that she can concentrate on her passions and love of life & do honorable work.  She reminds us, that we can live without quite a lot. But she also cautions us of the emphasis of charity as well. Ni Ni can be a bit too much of the rugged individualist at times.

The mature and responsible lasting relationship with money begins young… She understands that she needs to use the store for her own purposes, not vice versa; so, passing up the toys, the pretty dresses, furniture and lamps, when she only went in for a packed of gum, is important.

Having said the above, I remind my wee ones that the Bible urges us to seek treasures in the kingdom of God - and that a common wildflower is clothed more gloriously by God than a royal king.

Who knows I ponder…  maybe, just maybe, she’ll provide me a cush retirement somewhere fancy. Yet a haunting adult daughter voice harangues from the future, “you shoulda planned better!”

Staring out at the ocean with the rose colored goggles all parents wear, I  fool myself, “there’s no problem here! My daughter… is… normal.”