Taking Refuge, Part III: The Path of Mindfulness, Understanding and Love (Dharma)

“We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood (God.)” – Step 3 of Alcoholics Anonymous

How can we be true to our nature and access it in a direct way? This is the second refuge, the path of mindfulness. We decide to study and practice ways that can open conscious contact with our true nature and lead us to greater happiness. We rouse our drowsy, addictive mind with the bell of happiness.

Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche says, “As long as we don’t recognize our real nature, we suffer. … When you begin to recognize [your buddha self] you change, and the quality of life changes as well. Things you never dreamed possible begin to happen.”

On a practical level, for me, this required sitting down on a meditation cushion, becoming familiar with and observing the mind, even letting it rest. At first, I nodded off during nearly every meditation period. As time went on, little by little, the meditation training began to take hold. My brain wasn’t hazy with drugs anymore, but the underlying addictive mind was fierce. Several hours each day in meditation began to quell my ceaseless self-criticism and corresponding depression.

This happens by resting the mind in bare awareness, without judging, pushing away, or chasing down our thoughts. I learned to welcome the whole range of feelings, perceptions, and sensations. I leaned to just let all the different thoughts be—nasty, sleepy, dreamy, or scared—and watch them pass through my mind.

As childhood memories thawed, rising from the frozen corners of my unconscious, I was troubled by my emotions, especially feelings of grief and anger at my alcoholic family. I had clutches of panic, afraid of being flooded by my feelings. I wanted to run away, escape somehow, anyhow.

Learning to accept my painful emotions—to be able to notice my thoughts instead of believe my thoughts—was one of my biggest breakthroughs at the time. I didn’t know then, because the research hadn’t yet been done, that meditation was also changing the very chemistry of my brain.

In such ways, we can realize the same truth as the enlightened ones of old, our ancestors in the Twelve Step program, and other awakened beings. We choose to explore the same paths, walk the same steps, and come to the same peace.

If we commit wholeheartedly, decide to give right effort, we are promised that “the teachings of awakenings will come alive.” Many doors to transformation will open. We hold them close, study them, breathe them. Let them start to breathe us.

Thérèse Jacobs Stewart, M.A., L.P., has been a practicing psychotherapist, meditation teacher, and international consultant for more than 28 years. She is the founder of St. Paul’s Mind Roads Meditation Center, which integrates contemplative practices from both east and west and serves as home of the St. Paul chapter of the Twelve Steps and Mindfulness meetings. For more information about her center and teaching schedule, click on www.mindroads.com