Cherished Moments: Lost & Found Happy Place

Taking deep relaxing breaths does not always work.

I noticed that many people used the month of November for giving thanks to the things in their life.  A person battling any type of mental health issue is thankful for the strength to just get out of bed each day.

On that note, I am using the month of December for a time of reflection on the daily blessings.  These are the daily things that I have recognized as my joy; happy moments that I cherish.  Consider this my journal for this month.  On my blog site www.reflectionswithrhonda.com , I wrote about my experience with Lupus and mental health issues.  My psychotherapist suggested I keep a journal on the moments of joy so that feeling can be recreated.

Journal Entry:  December 6, 2012

Today started off wonderful.  Well almost.  My furbaby felt me move so jut assumed I should wake up, pet her and feed her.  When she realized I was not quite ready to wake up she started nibbling on my fingers followed by a lick.  She got annoyed and bit my hand.  Really?!?  You would swear she was starving.


Daddy stepped in and started playing with her.  He likes it when she is frisky and can take those bites.

My mood was lighter than yesterday; thank goodness I realized I was in self-destruct mode with my food choices.  The down-side, I didn't bring juice today since I went to bed last night and did not get it prepared.  :(  I opted for the Naked Juice Blue Machine to help keep me balanced.  I even treated myself with a peppermint hot chocolate; made with water, not milk.

Got to my desk and realized I forgot my iPod at home on the charger.  OMG! How am I going to make it through the day?  I will try to focus on having dinner with my cousin and hope it keeps me in my happy place.

Happy Place vanished completely.  The "clean-desk" auditors came to our floor.  Luckily I did not get into trouble, but some of my co-workers did.  I would think that during the day, we would realize that someone shouldn't be rummaging through my cubemates desk or run off with a laptop.  I can understand locking everything up at night, but walking from our desk to go to the bathroom??? 

Being the person I am, I walked up to the auditor and informed her I was walking away from my desk should she care to audit it.  I was dead serious, she thought I was joking and laughed.  I don't have paperwork on my desk; our files are all imaged.  My passwords are in my email and I memorized my log-in for the computer, so I do not have passwords on my desk. 

Now I am totally livid.  I just received an email that I sent out an email that was not encrypted.  It didn't need to be encrypted, nor did it contain a borrower's name or loan number.  It was an order number as I was following up to an order that was placed!  I swear I feel like we work in a prison.  If you want to fire us, then fire us.  This working environment is really tearing at my nerves.  And you wonder why I suffer from severe stress anxiety disorder.  It is most likely Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome because I was just fine until I came back here from a relaxing vacation almost two years ago. 


Taking deep relaxing breathes; have a CD from my case manager.  Only problem is, you can get so relaxed you will fall asleep.  Well, breathing didn't help.  My nerves are raw, my head is pounding and my heart is racing.  I am so angry I have tears coming to my eyes.  So, I sent an email to my manager telling exactly how I am feeling at this moment.  My psychotherapist says I should express my feelings and not keep them bottled up.  My manager said I should defend myself with the party that sent the email and let them know that the information did not contain confidential information.  I have done so.  I can still feel the tension in my face, shoulders and back.  It is amazing that I can recognize the signals finally.  Now to find something to relieve them.

This situation has been so exhausting.  Taking a 20 minute nap over the lunch period.  The nap turned into 30 minutes, but it did wonders for my mood.  :) 

The rest of the afternoon went fine, or could be my imagination because I was thinking about dinner with my cousin.  We had a wonderful conversation and am so glad we spent some time together.  Looking forward to h is company at our home on Christmas Eve.

To top off the evening, Mr. Man and I cuddled on the couch and watched Kat Williams before going to bed.  I had a perfect night.

We may not be able to control the things going around us, but we can recognize our feelings and reactions.  We are responsible for our own happiness and need to work on how to make it happen on a daily basis.  I refused to let the events from earlier in the day to steal my joy.  If I need to take medication to help me to do this, so be it.  I choose to be happy.

How do you turn an unpleasant experience to a joyful ending?

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