Cherished Moments: My Old Self?

Journal Entry:  December 27, 2012

Yes, I am unique.  I am feeling great, yet overly tired today.

I left work at 8:30 pm last night and drove halfway home when Mr. Man called me to come meet him in downtown St. Paul so I can take his son to the house.  Why is it when you just want to get home and do something, Mr. Man decides to drive like molasses?  I was agitated, but did not say anything about it - learning to curb my outbursts.  Lucky for him, he pumped and paid for gas in my car.

That act of kindness put me in a much better mood, so I stopped at Target to pick up groceries that I would need to make a Ham & Bean soup and a Lentil soup. I had a little pep in my step when I got home.  I didn't even allow the fact that James did not unload and reload the dishwasher bother me.  I made a mention of it, he smiled, and I proceeded to get the job done.

Then I picked apart the ham and put it in the crockpot to make a delicious broth and put the beans in their separate pots to soak overnight.  I was so hyped, I even folded and put away laundry.  When Mr. Man got home from work we had a good converation and didn't get to bed until after 12:00am.  Do you know what he said to me?

I am so glad you are starting to act like yourself again.

Did I hit the right combination of medication finally?  One can only hope.  I cannot wait to finish the psychological evaluation and genotype so I can stop worrying about not being me.

When you are close to your family and friends, they do know when something is not right with you. However, they may not notice it soon enough; may even become hindsight.

My late night and energy burst was awesome.  It must have made quite an impression on Mr. Man because he was laughing and talking in his sleep.  Yes, he kept me awake all night...  I didn't know if I wanted to punch him or the alarm this morning.  Instead I laughed it off and teased him.  Would I have been able to do this without my medication?  No.  I would have woke him up in his sleep, chewed him a new one, and may have ended up sleeping on the couch.  Yes, it is good to start being me again.

A reader once reprimanded me for sharing my mental health issues this month.  It hurt my feelings at first until my BFF asked me how I feel about the writing.  It felt great to write, wanted to raise awareness, offer suggestions, and receive suggestions. 

This is why I made the choice to share my mental health issues in December - my hardest month.  Woman parked her car, left her 11 year-old daughter in the car while she jumped off a bridge.  Mental Health is more common than you think.  As I mentioned, there are signs that are present before the utlimate of of killing someone or yourself happen.  As a friend and family member, we should be diligent in the changes and not allow them to isolate themselves or go without medical treatment.  It takes a village.

http://woodbury.patch.com/articles/woman-leaps-to-death-from-interstate-...

Diligent and focused at work today.  Just how I like it.

Wow, that was short-lived.  So the person who I cared about that was in the hospital isn't very happy right now and said, "I hate my life."  I told her it was their life, change.  Then I had extended an offer to go to the movies on Sunday with the grandchildren and myself.  Well, their family member stated: skipping the movies would be part of that change.  Really? 

Now I am angry, but controlled.  I stated that if it is their choice to disassociate their self from a certain persons family/friends, then maybe we should just be "unfriended". Should something ever happen in the future, then maybe I shouldn't be contacted by their family for assistance.  I would do it myself, but it was the family member that stated her opinion, which may not be their opinion. 

Oh, the family member's response was: I think unfriending on FB would be a good start. Help will be provided by family.

Of course, the person I care about said: Just remember that my family & I aren't the same person.

It is time to snap out of this anger, but really not sure how at this moment.  I am bottling up what I would really like to say....  Dislike when others try to control other people, especially if it is me!

Returning to the file I am working on, and may even take part in the birthday cake at work. (My employer celebrates all the birthdays once per month.)  If that doesn't work, then breaking out the iPod.  I am literally so angry I could cry.  This is my dangerous mood; my fist/hand wants to reach out and touch someone's face.  Would not work out real well at work.

I found something that helped put me in a better mood.  I got up and socialized with co-workers for a few minutes.  A blast of positive energy from others really changed my mood. 

Unfortunately I am unable to repair the damage for the person I care about.  You are probably wondering what the heck is going on, but I cannot divulge their identity.  Just know that the person I care about has a personal relationship with another person close to me.  Somehow I am stuck in the middle of the two, and now their family is not playing very nice.  The family really shouldn't voice their opinion when they do not even know what is going on and quit trying to force their will on them.  It isn't as if this person is a five-year old child; they are an adult. 

Now back to my daily routine.

Ever since socializing with my co-workers, I was able to get back on track and stay focused on my files.

What do you do when you find yourself upset while at work?