Journal Entry: December 28, 2012
Can you say OMG? When I arrived home last night I was not greeted by my friendly feline. I asked my child, "Where is my cat?" He looked surprised and realized he had not seen her all day. Panic started to crawl over me when I noticed she did not eat all day. APB was put out on my furbaby. I called her name a few times, then I hear her faint little cry. Guess where she was.... The "man cave" trapped behind the closed door! I was greatly relieved that she was found, yet highly irritated that she was trapped behind a closed door -- the testosterone in the house know better, and know how I am about my furbaby. She still has not stopped telling me about her taumatic experience.
Did I ever mention how much I dislike being dragged into the middle of a situation? All it does is piss me off in the end. Yes, the situation from yesterday is biting me in the ass. Why is it when a person isn't honest, suffers the consequences, then think everyone is against them? As I mentioned yesterday, I don't think I can assist with mediating the situation for this person. They did what they did, and the person close to me did what they did. Of course, when things didn't go their way they lashed out at me because I couldn't wave my magic wand and make everything OK. Not a good thing.
By Joel Osteen Ministries
When someone is struggling, reach out. Be a healer. Be a restorer. Take time to wipe away the tears. Your job is not to judge. Your job is to lift the fallen. http://osteen.co/00
All I could do is tell them both to calm down, think things over, take time to cool off before speaking again. No, I did not let this ruin my evening; I stayed productive and made three more soups with the left overs and cleaned out the refrigerator. I even took a moment to play Words With Friends on the tablet. I took a moment for myselft to cool down after the personal attack.
Words of advice to adhere to: It is best to not say anything at all if you can't say anything nice. Also, honesty really is the best policy.
This morning Mr. Man complimented me on how I spoke to him this morning. Instead of just saying: The dog needs to be let out, I also added "will you let him out, please?" He really appreciated the change in wording. Yes, he let the dog out. :)
With the snowy roads, I really didn't think I would make it to work on time. 94W can really be a bear. Plus I had to stop and get gas. I even put oil in the car because I am a little overdo and my "check engine" light popped on today. I have spoiled my car ever since I got it, so she lets me know immediately when I need something. I even made an appointment for an oil change tomorrow.
I even made it to work on time. My cubemate even noticed and said, "You are here early." As I mentioned before, co-workers can tell when something is or isn't right because they spend so much time around you during the day. So, if you notice one slowly missing work, quality or productivity slipping, etc. that should be a trigger that something is wrong.....
Yes, positive changes have been happening since I started this new medication. I really hope we have found the right combination.
Although I am making positive changes, I am not feeling like myself today. I am a little down. I am pondering if it is because of the situation between the two individuals... I need to learn to not let things I have no control over bother me.
Any advice on how not to let things bother you, especially if you don't have control over the situation?
I am really trying to stay focused at work. My cheeks are warm, there is a weight on my chest, light-headed and started to have difficulty breathing. Onset of an anxiety attack. I am going to attempt to go for a short walk and see how I feel when I return to my desk. While walking, I will practice breathing. If all else fails, I have my iPod out just waiting to be played.
The walked helped a little. Of course I was naughty during my walk -- I bought a Venti White Chocolate Mocha no whip. I really shouldn't be having caffeine; it causes peaks and valleys when you have a chemical imbalance in your brain. Need an even, steady pace.
I also have something else that has bothering. I do not have very much control over this situation either. One of my dear friends is in town for the second time since moving to New York. He called on Christmas Even indicating that he would not be able to make it to dinner due to lack of reliable transportation. I understood. However, I can see his Facebook posts and he has been out with his younger friends each night. I have not received another phone call, has not attempted to have dinner, lunch or even coffee with me. I do not hang out in the bars, but I would make an exception to spend time with my friend. I do miss his upbeat personality and actually have a wonderful time during our evenings out. He is such a brat and I will tell him so as soon as he wakes up and answers his phone. It is dead and going straight to voicemail right now. Being the creative, bossy and blunt person that I am, I posted this on his Facebook page:
This is your second trip to Minnesota and I have not been able to see you. Do I need to put on my dancing shoes and loose sleep to spend a little time with you? You could have came for lunch, dinner or even coffee. I miss my friend. Lookout come the new year, I will hunt you down in Florida and New York.
My friend has an awesome job. He moved from Minnesota to New York for a job. When it didn't work out he grabbed a different job where he works in Florida and flies home to New York on the weekends. The best of both worlds. Every now and then you will catch him in Texas too.
My other close friend is being shady since he got a live-in boyfriend. I never hear from him anymore. I miss spending time with him as well. We use to go everywhere together: coffee, dinner, movies, walks, shopping, etc. I reminded him that just because he has a man living with him, he shouldn't forget about his friends.
My girlfriends are like me: with children and/or grandchildren. Our lives tend to be a little bit busy. I have a little more flexibility due to the age of my children. I miss my friends.
My mood is really off today. Dislike when I make a mistake on a file. However, I am a grown up and admit my error and correct it. The joys of being a responsible adult.
It is time for the iPod because I really cannot get it together today. As if you couldn't already tell by my rambling thoughts. What happened to positive changes? lol I am still working on me because there is always room to learn and grow. So, no I am not going to beat myself up. I will continue to look for ways to make positive changes in all situations. Going to be a new and improved old me.
Wow, the day flew by without me even noticing. The last time I looked at the clock it was 10:30am, now it is 3:30pm. That is what I call focused. The only reason I even snapped out of my zone, I couldn't remember if I did a certain rush file and had to retrace my steps.
Finally, I ate the home made lentil soup, but now I am tired and craving something sweet. Luckily for me, it doesn't take much to kill my sweet tooth> one small piece of dark chocolate satisfies the craving.
Really want to go home and take a nap. Stress wearing me down?
Great, I have my mind set on going home: watching the clock and racing through my files. I know there is no way I will have all my files done by 5:30 pm and need to settle down or I am going to become seriously agitated. I have not learned how to switch my mood from agitation yet. This is going to be a difficult task especially as people being to leave and I am still here working.
Ugh! Putting the iPod in the ears and see if it will assist in getting me back on track. It better or I am really going to be frustrated pretty soon. Maybe I should just call Mr. Man and see how he is doing. He has no choice by to work longer hours in his office at the moment. Maybe I will feel better if I know he is just as miserable.
Yes, I found joy in the fact that he is misrable as well. He is painting his office as I type. lol :)
Don't judge me for finding joy in his misery. That is a woman's perogative. The fact that he can no longer sleep in really helps to keep me motivated on arriving to work on time each day too. It is nice getting up and ready together versus me getting up while he is still in bed sleeping. Just like when I am awake, everyone should be awake.
Yes! I made it and it only took one extra hour since I was able to get back into gear. I wonder if his misery will help me to be motivated in the future.... :/ Let us hope it doesn't come to that, but it still would be interesting to find out.
Off to home and either the bed or the couch. Totally exhausted and need some "me time" resting in DO NOT DISTURB mode.
Have you noticed how I do different things to change my moods? However, I wouldn't be able to pinpoint my moods swings without keeping this journal. Here is an interesting article I located on the Woodbury Patch. It discusses how you can program your brain with positive thoughts. Let me know what you think.