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Cherished Moments: Totally Off Day

My medication must have worn off early or just an overload burned it off.

Journal entry: December 28, 2012

After having an emotional rollercoaster all day yesterday, I was super irritable on my way home. When I got home I almost blew a gasket.

The dog was in his kennel, in my bathroom, and he had a stinky accident.

This tells me that either my son didn't let him out at his scheduled time or the leftover turkey put him ahead of schedule. However, I am thinking James may have let him out, little late, couldn't figure out why the smell, so put him in the bathroom so it wouldn't stink up the house.

It took an investigation for the cause. Taz is shedding so he covered the mess with his hair. I let him outside, set his kennel outside and had the kid come home and clean up behind his dog.

I was right about James not knowing about the poop under the hair.

My raw nerves couldn't take anymore. I voiced my feelings to James about being disappointed in his irresponsible behavior. Then, when Mr, Man came home I told him how I felt about his constant late office hours, I did not raise my voice, but I was very direct. My psychotherapist had told me to talk when things are happening. I tend to bottle it up until I explode in a raging fit.

Mr. Man was upset this morning because of what I told him last night. He had called me and asked if I wanted to do something today, yet proceeded to tell me all he had yet to do. Again, I was very direct:

Sounds like you have a busy day scheduled; let's see when you get done with your stuff. I don't want to make plans with you, then get mad because you couldn't follow through. I am not sitting around the house doing nothing today.

My reasoning didn't go over very well. He blew a gasket and hung up on me. I am not allowing him to steal my joy away behind his behavior. I made it to my oil change appointment and walked over to get a Green Machine and Chai tea.

What do you think happened while I was in the store?

I couldn't find a lid for the cup. Embarrassed by the fact that I am standing with a cup in hand and searching for a lid. I backed away from the area and mentally retraced my steps. I looked at each area and carefully searched for lids. I really could not see them. Where they should have been, there was the cold coffee lids instead. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, calmed my racing mind, and looked one more time. There was another tray on the other side. In this tray was the hot coffee lids. They really should switch the lid location. Put the cold lids with the cold coffee and hot lids with the hot coffee.

Even though I am not allowing my joy to be stolen from me, doesn't mean that it does not mentally affect me. I just push harder to be cheery to cover up my distress. Think happiness into existence.

I decided that I should go home and meditate for a while. Let my brain get itself back together. My kitty came with. She laid in her favorite spot, on my heart, and soaked up a bunch of love while I did my breathing exercises. There is nothing more peaceful than petting your furbaby and listening to them purr.

Now I just wish James and his company go back downstairs. Their noise makes me jumpy. No sooner do I begin to relax, they interrupt my environment with noise. If it persists, my meditation becomes useless and I will become irritable.

Yes, my wish has been granted. Everyone cleared out of the house and I got a two-hour nap. Just what the doctor ordered.

 

Mr. Man came home and we ate the home-made bean soup together and cuddled on the couch to watch a movie. That quiet, quality time is what I needed. I realized that I just missed spending time with him. In a way that is great, but at the same time I do not want my happiness to be dependent upon another person. I need to be able to make myself happy.

He had to head back to the office to meet his employee. I started to miss him even before he walked out the door. I would NEVER in a million years tell him that. Of course, if he reads this blog he will know it, but he is too busy to read each of my blogs. He did mention once, "If you are going to refer to me as Mister Man, then make it Mr. King Man." I told him he isn't a King, but more of a court jester.

The grandkids showed up shortly after. This made me very happy as well. Play time!

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Susan January 09, 2013 at 04:43 AM
"I started to miss him even before he walked out the door. I would NEVER in a million years tell him that. " Why not? If that is how you feel what's so wrong about sharing that info?
Rhonda Fitzgerald January 09, 2013 at 04:57 PM
I have a few reasons why I would not let him know the depth of my feelings. 1) I was raised in an environment where we did not openly express emotions/feelings (I am changing this with my own children). 2) I have been married/divorced and a couple of relationships that used my feelings to try and gain the upper hand. 3) If I told him that he would think I was joking - since I don't express verbally - and joke with me by saying, "what did you do now?" He knows I love him and express it in my own way.
Susan January 10, 2013 at 02:53 AM
I bet #2 has more to do with why than #1 and #3, which is a shame, but I can relate. It took time but I finally decided years ago that I would express how I feel, good, bad or otherwise. Once I opened up it was easier for others in my life to do the same. Life is too short, let those you love, (or miss), know you do every chance you get!

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